A man walks into a restaurant......

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y2kgtp
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A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by y2kgtp »

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "what's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40, please," and the man reaches
into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always
come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago, I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it,
a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I
would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always
be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who
agrees with everything I say."





















Image

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bearrickster
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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by bearrickster »

isnt life funny
LOSI RULES!!

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by Halgar »

That's just not right! :shock:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
klavy69 wrote:... when I give you s&#t its a loan...I want it back!

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by y2kgtp »

Halgar wrote:That's just not right! :shock:

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
I just got that in Email, and the photo looked all too familiar.....I could not resist :lol:

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by Halgar »

Thanks for sharing! Loved it. 8)
klavy69 wrote:... when I give you s&#t its a loan...I want it back!

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by shodog »

A guy walked into a bar with his pet monkey and ordered a drink. While he was drinking, the monkey jumped all around the place. It grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them, then grabbed some sliced limes and ate them. It jumped onto the pool table, took one of the billiard balls, stuck it in his mouth, and, to everyone's amazement, somehow swallowed it whole.

The bartender screamed at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?'

The guy replied, 'No, what?'

'He just ate a billiard ball off my pool table...whole!'

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy, 'he eats everything in sight. Sorry, I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff.' He finished his drink, paid his bar bill along with the stuff the monkey ate, and walked out. Two weeks later, he came into the bar again along with his pet monkey. He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar as before. While the man was finishing his drink, the monkey found a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it. Then he found a peanut. This, too, he stuck up his butt, pulled it out and ate it.

The bartender was disgusted 'Did you see what your monkey did now?' he asked.

'No, what?' replied the guy.

'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it. The same with a peanut!'

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. ' said the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first.'

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bearrickster
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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by bearrickster »

Thats funny :lol:
LOSI RULES!!

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by purpletimbo »

Errmmmmm OUCH :mrgreen:

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by templeofspeed »

A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

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And then the fight started....

Post by JK Racing »

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I
was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes
from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I
take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- ------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look
big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made
my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to
back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would
be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and
slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary? "
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you
want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
--Joey --
Vintage A&L and Factory Works
Old School Racer & Vintage RC Car nut
JKRacingRC.com

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by bearrickster »

Those are great Loved them :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
LOSI RULES!!

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Re: A man walks into a restaurant......

Post by Halgar »

Guts or Balls?

There is a medical distinction. We've all heard about
people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference
between them? And you should remember that medical info on the
Web is very accurate. In an effort to keep you informed, the
definitions are listed below:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the
guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to
ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the
guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your
wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since
both ultimately result in death.



I'm writing this from my hospital bed. It would seem that I still have a few guts, but I no longer have any balls. <G>
klavy69 wrote:... when I give you s&#t its a loan...I want it back!

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